Saturday, July 6, 2013

parades make no sense

(I wrote this first paragraph on the 4th, but my parents took away my electronics, so I couldn't manage to sneak on long enough to finish it.)

I am currently sitting on the dead-grass sidelines of the annual Fourth of July parade.

This is the most stereotyped thing I've ever seen. Yeah, we live in Texas. That doesn't mean that we all blast country musi out of our four wheel drive monster truck and grill burgers on the hood. (Yes, this is a real float.) I also do not understand the point of parades. Think about it. You watch people walk. For hours. Maybe you'll see a police car or fire truck demonstrate loudly what sounds it could make. Occasionally a terrible middle school marching band could be heard. Texas soccer moms (and if you live in Texas, you know what I'm talking about) pull their bratty children in decorated wagons as the kids obnoxiously scream happy fourf of july. Consider this: Your life is so dull and uninteresting that you willingly set up an uncomfortable lawn chair at 9 am in 100 degree weather to watch me ride my bicycle in what looks like a protest march. Please explain your logic to me as I sit at home in an air conditioned room sipping a soda and watching a much more interesting parade on TV.

The one thing I feel most sorry for is the poor sign language gorilla, Koko, as she turns 42 with no recognition.

As some might know from the old boards, I said, "To heck with patriotism" and wore black, green, and yellow, the color opposites of red, white, and blue. Why? Well, I didn't have a red shirt, but it was more in protest of being forced to go to the parade. :P And, of course, there was a deeper meaning. (Isn't there always with me?) Our country is going in the exact opposite direction it started with, so why not wear the exact opposite colors?

Other than that, since you last saw me not much has happened. My best friend left for Taiwan for two months (she's from there), my dad celebrated another birthday as I made a bunch of "you're getting so old" jokes, I read another 20 or 30 books, and best of all, MY GRANDMA IS HERE! Yay!

My grandma flew down here from up north 3 days ago, and it has been AWESOME. I haven't seen her since Christmas. And, after seeing what a brat my brother has turned into, I don't think she's coming back. Just kidding. :) But we have been having some fun. A bit too much fun. She loves to shop, unlike the rest of my family, so we went shopping for 7 1/2 hours yesterday. I kid you not. Where I got this shirt.

(For some reason I can't download any photos from my phone on here, so I just stole this off the internet. This is what it looks like.)

I love irony/sarcasm/outright lying to people.
You should have seen my dad's face when we came home just in time for dinner. He expected us to have bags and bags of stuff. Instead, he said, "I could have gotten all that in 20 minutes. What the heck took so long?"

The best place we have gone to was definitely Barnes and Noble. I walked in and immediately was in heaven. (Which I'm sure N knows all about, considering I killed him a few days ago. :P It's better not to ask.) There was so much perfection in one place. When my grandmother said, "Want a coffee? I'll go get you one while you look through the books" I was convinced she was an angel. I could have stayed there for days, just sipping a Starbucks and searching through stacks of stupendous novels. (Alliteration with Audrey, everybody. Thanks for coming.) (And alliteration annoys.)

Also, Ben just blessed me with the gift of showing me this remix. I MUST BUY THIS. Unfortunately, I have like $4 left after buying my uncle some clown dolls for his birthday. (I suppose I should probably explain this: My uncle hates clowns. Despises them. So, like a good niece, I've been buying tons of really freaky clown dolls, statues, and figurines for months now (You'd be surprised how many people have these things) , and shipping them to him anonymously. My dad travels a lot, so I'll give him a package and he'll ship it from wherever he is, so they come from all around the country. I have a feeling he suspects me after, when I visited him and my cousins at my grandma's house, I left 13 of them all around his room. Watching him freak out was hilarious. So worth it. You may think, "Audrey, you're so mean!" Well, then so is his wife, his 3 kids, his sister, his brother in law, his nephews, and his parents, because we think it's flipping hilarious. ;) )

Okay, so, I have no money. Not quite sure why I went into that long story.

Anywho, I must go empty out my desk. My brother's getting mine, so I have to sort through all of my stuff. O_O Yikes. It's kind of scary. I just found a school paper from 5th grade. And I've only had the desk since 6th! Wish me luck as I venture into the depths of the desk drawers.
Hasta la vista! (Weird that I used this goodbye even though I'm learning Latin now. Hm, what is goodbye in Latin? See, that's the weird thing about it. I could give you a half hour lecture about the Roman baths in Latin, but I don't know how to say hello and goodbye.)
~ Audrey


  1. Salve is hello, vale is goodbye. In Latin.

  2. You have no idea how much I agree with you Audrey about parades. -_-

    Great post once again. I laughed pretty much all the way through. :)