Saturday, January 18, 2014

actual proof supporting the theory that i was completely insane at age 13

Hey guys!

Okay, so basically, I was going through my closet because yay organization and I came across...

My old school notebook.

I know I know, borrrrrring. But this notebook is my English notebook. And it is filled with..."journal" entries. xD Every day (aka twice a week) as soon as we walked into class, my English teacher would have a prompt written up on the board, and we had to write about it. I had them all written down.


Oh my word.

I needed help. xD

I WAS THIRTEEN.  EVERYONE WAS MESSED UP AND ANNOYING AND STUPID AT THIRTEEN. ...Right? Well, Abdul is twelve, so I can't tell if this is even just a family thing or what. Granted, he can be pretty stupid now...He gave my youngest brother a fat lip by accident five minutes before we left for school, and since my mom couldn't give him anything to keep the swelling down, she told him (my youngest brother, I mean) to use any of the following stories to explain how it happened. A. He was trying to get some honey for our pancakes (that never existed) and tried to climb a tree to get to a beehive, and while he was climbing the tree, a bee stung his lip. B. He fought Chuck Norris. C. A unicorn descended from heaven and poked his lip with his horn.

I'm not making this up. Welcome to my family, everyone.

I am so off topic.

So, yes! I looked at these and decided how weird I was. In my defense, it was about 8 in the morning, and back then, I almost never slept. Granted, I don't sleep a ton now, but whereas I usually stay up late only on days I don't have school, back then I was running on 4-5 hours of sleep quite often. xD Anywho, enjoy.

Prompt: Write a greeting card for a fake holiday.

My answer: My holiday would be Gas Pump Appreciation day. (IN MY DEFENSE, I COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING, SO I USED HER PROMPT BOOK THING.) The front of the card would have a red and blue gas pump and say "Gas pumps are red, or maybe they're blue..." and the inside would say "It's Gas Pump Appreciation Day, and I appreciate you!"


Well, obviously, I shouldn't write greeting cards. Or come up with holidays.

Prompt: You and your friends have just been caught breaking into the local gas station. (obviously, I did not believe in appreciating gas pumps.) After your parents pay your bail, you must explain why you did it, since this is not something you usually do. What your parents and others don't realize is that you did it for a heroic reason. What do you tell your parents?

Wait...people don't break into places on a normal basis? What kind of life do you guys live?
My Answer: Mom, Dad, I broke into the gas station in order to steal money. But not for pleasure, for necessity. You see, my friend Riah's parents  are dying of a rare kidney disease. They don't have the money to pay for the cure, and no one could help them. I figured if I stole some cash, I could help save their lives.

*sniffs* Look at that act of heroism, guys. And I only got an 85. Apparently my teacher did not appreciate my selflessness. 

Prompt: At exactly midnight on New Years Eve, you receive an email labeled "Open 'imidiatly' (That's how I spelled it on this thing. *sigh*)." The really strange thing is that the email is apparently from your future self. What does it say?

My Answer (and I swear, I'm not making this up. My family didn't even believe me, I had to show them the notebook xD): 
The email says "Wake up. You're in a coma. This isn't real." I read the email slowly, then suddenly feel myself slipping away and black out. I wake up in a hospital bed, where a man tells me I slipped into a coma when I was punched in the head by a drunk guy in Times Square....twenty years ago! I've been in a coma for two decades, I end up in jail because I haven't been able to pay the hospital bills, and am finally released only to be hit by North Korea's nuclear bomb.



Well, originally instead of being blown up, I was hit by a bus. Does that make it any better?

I genuinely pitied my English teacher. A few months later, she gave us an assignment where she put a photo of two kids, a boy and a girl, surrounded by other kids. The boy had a delighted look on his face, while the girl looked terrified. She wanted us to write a story based off the photo.

I wrote about Bobby, who loved penguins way too much, and Suzy, who was deathly afraid of them. One day, their class went on a field trip to the zoo, and Bobby ran to the penguin enclosure and let them out. Suzy started going into shock and hyperventilating and eventually fell over to be stepped on by 15 penguins, as the other kids screamed while Bobby looked happier than ever. The story ended by talking about how Suzy needed 15 years of therapy and then ended up accidentally falling into the lion pit while trying to run from the penguins one day when her therapist took her to the zoo, and how Bobby was suspended from school and eventually became a zookeeper only to be eaten by penguins.

I know I keep saying this, but I swear, this is all true.

My English teacher either loved me or was terrified by me. And I didn't even talk about that time she showed that old black and white photo of some guy returning from the army kissing a girl in the street (AKA, the one to the right), and I wrote an essay about how the girl left him immediately and he contemplated jumping off a bridge, only to be convinced by an old man that there was still hope. Of course, he ended up living a miserable life anyway after he and the girl got back together then divorced.

...I don't...I....

I needed help.

Needless to say, she abolished this assignment. Although I think I got a 95 on those two papers because "The writing was excellent, but the story...." I really need to find those, I'm sure they're saved somewhere. Revisit my sick, twisted thirteen year old mind. Something I've always wanted to do.

NOTE THAT THIS IS ONLY ENGLISH CLASS. AND ONLY ABOUT A MONTH OF IT. o.o I do not even want to think about the other months...or other classes...

If you knew me when, I am so, so sorry.

So, um...I hope you enjoyed?
May you live a life slightly more normal than my brain,


  1. The gas pump appreciation day one is funny because if you gave it to a person, you would be implying that they were a gas pump.
    Now that's funny.
    Now I'm trying to remember if I knew you when you were 13. Were you on the tcf site when you were 13?

    1. Hmmm....Actually, now that I think about it, I believe I had JUST turned 13 when I got on. so, basically, when I wrote my first theory. *cringes* Eek. That explains so much about the archives on that site.

  2. I once wrote on an exam that the best thing I had ever eaten was the heart of a cheating ex husband. I wrote the story of how I killed him and everything. Thankfully, my English teacher thinks I'm amazing, because I was kind of worried that she would totally freak when she read it.

  3. Wow Audrey. That was probably your funniest post yet. XD I laughed so much! Hahaha!! Good job with this. I don't think I would be able to come up with that story. That's very... um... interesting. XD

  4. I think you're completely insane now... XD

  5. Audge really? wow I see the one about me and my fam :) I totally forgot about those. gosh mine are worse than that trust me O.o btw this was super funny and I just sat here laughing for about twenty minutes. double b thought I was crazy :P ok what picture was it with the little girl and boy? was it the honey boo boo one?